Monday: Relationships: The Softer Side of the Rock

Today’s post is an ode to the masculine side of the yin-yang. I know that some relationships manage to balance on a fine line wherein both partners take equal amounts of initiative and alternate decision making in such a way so that they are unequivocally balanced. However, if that were the norm–rather than just a sought-after existence–people wouldn’t ask stupid questions like “So, who wears the pants?” when they first meet a new couple.

As if wearing pants dictated a level of control over one’s partner. 50s stereotypes prevail. But I digress. Today, I wanted to talk about when the testosterone breaks down.

First of all, I want to get a couple of things out of the way. We learned in some of my early psychology classes oh so long ago–ok, not THAT long ago–that testosterone isn’t just the guy chemical. We all have it on some level, and it is a primary factor in sex drive not just for males but for females as well. While there are other factors involved, it’s also true that more masculine personalities have estrogen and, as with females, males experience a rise and fall of both throughout the course of their “cycle” (which, for most, is roughly a 28-35 day rotation). Don’t believe me? Check out these sources: Testosterone in women and Jed Diamond Talks About Irritable Male Syndrome.

What does this mean for a person like me, who generally ignores her feminine status for three out of four weeks a month? I think Danielle Corsetto best sums it up in Girls With Slingshots:

It’s an awesome comic, a funny tongue-in-cheek look at all sorts of messed up 20-and-30-something relationships.

This comes up because, most of the time, I’m definitely the go-getting, show-stopping, my-way-or-the-highway type. I open the doors, I go to work, grunt with the guys and make the wages to pay for the family to eat. No biggie, it’s a stereotypical 50s relationship (except that I also do a lot of the cooking, but I enjoy that). I’m the initiator (at least since she conceived, almost two years ago). It’s a part of the cycle of relationships that one member of the couple is going to be flipping more switches at some point. But when that week rolls around, I need it to be the other way around. Masculine types of all sexes can relate–we encourage the dependence on us because we appreciate the cuddles. As Andy Griggs says–“She don’t know that when I hold her, she’s really holding me.”

So, when you Scorpios find your Libra showing and find it difficult to express why you take it personally when your partner’s not paying enough attention today–well, I still haven’t got a good way to handle it. Turtle sundaes and a cat-on-the-book “I need your attention today” sort of approach. Hopefully for you, it won’t break down your steely exterior too much to ask for man cuddles.

And for you girls reading this out there–don’t ever, ever tease a masculine type for being emotional. If you do, you probably won’t see it again for a while. This blog is about how to build the trust, not break it down. And don’t forget the ice cream in this terrible heat wave!

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