Monday: Relationships and Awakening

Awakening… as in, I am awake! I apologize for the lack of posts previously. I had some things happen, and no buffer, so I went silent for a while. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again.

So, some of you might be aware that I have an addiction to planning things. What that really comes down to is a crazy need to know everything before it’s going to happen. Jamie would say you “can’t plan spontaneity,” but of course I disagree on that point. Unfortunately, she sometimes reads my blog posts, so I can’t tell all of you the diabolical secret plannings I have for Christmas/our half anniversary for her. But, suffice it to say, they will be awesome.

Today’s subject is actually planned spontaneity, mostly because I think it’s a subject that bears scrutiny. Repeatedly.

In the frustrating world that is our existing lives, everyone is busy. Busy working, busy with errands, busy repainting the house, busy cleaning the car. Busy with video games, busy reading, busy gambling their relationships on the assumption that their loved one will understand why they are busy. Busy making a living instead of living their life.

We’re all guilty of it, but sooner or later–usually sooner–it will catch up to us. We develop wrinkles between our eyebrows, gray hairs in our 20s, and an inexplicable desire to run off to a deserted island somewhere (or maybe that’s just me). In the long run, the only safehaven from the maniacal existence of our lives is potentially our relationships.

I’ve taken up the hobby lately of meditating on my lunch breaks and listening to classical public radio on my way home from work. I find that I’m less irritable when I get home, which preserves some level of our interaction. Since I work and Jamie does not, my sole purpose in our relationship when I get home is to save her from the baby–who is usually cranky and bored with the house by this point. This state is our own fault, of course, because we take her with us and spend lots of time socializing her daily, and have since she was born.

So where, in those moments, is there time to be spontaneous?
On Friday I had to stop at the store for an onion, and brought an inexpensive bouquet back with me. Unfortunately, she was in the bedroom when I got home and didn’t get to see it in all its unsmashed glory, since she came out before I was finished putting it in the vase. But it’s the thought that counts?
In our technology age, sweet text messages are usually the only way to keep communication open while I am at work. But once I get home… We have to plan the interaction, or exhaustion sets in and we lose sight of the important things–each other. I recommend programming alerts like “Kiss her,” or “compliment her.” I try to sneak at least 3 “You’re beautiful…” kind of comments into every evening. But the planned spontaneity that works for you may be different from ours. The point is–you have to add that effort into the mix. Without balance, life is meaningless. But honestly, you could be heavy on the family slice of the pie, and no one would hold it against you.

 

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